You know what really sucks about life? Dealing with it… When did it have to become so damn hard? When did start worrying what was politically correct or having someone get offended every five seconds? Do you know how tiring it is? Holy shit is it! There is a difference between politeness and etiquette and having to take everyone’s feelings! Um, no. Someone is always going to get hurt no matter what you do, so instead of trying not to offend someone, learn how tactful, pick and choose your battles, and learn how to take criticism. Grow the F@#$ up. I’ve learned that you can’t please all the people all the time, but you can please some of the people some of the time. I’m just tired of the stupid shit that is menial in hind sight and we need to start worrying about what really matters in life. Okay, there’s my rant about the world for now.
My real reason for this post is how I’ve been feeling for the last few months hence I haven’t been here to write. I’ve been having symptoms… No sleep, up and down appetite, can’t really focus on things, no motivation to do anything, not wanting to work-out, etc… This has been going on for a few months. I thought at first it was due to being sick which that sucked major ass. Then I thought it was due to allergy season. But then it was still going on after everything. So I finally went to the doctor and once again I’ve been told I have depression…
It’s that wonderful to be told that? Hell no!! I hate being told I have a disease that is so crippling to oneself. There are so many variations of depression but all are just a dangerous. Unfortunately I have the kind of depression that makes me a slave to not wanting to do anything… Sleep all the time, feeling crappy all the time, and just not feeling like you can function. So basically you feel and sometimes look useless. Doesn’t having depression sound fun kids? I think not!! I personally don’t like feeling weak which to me what depression it. Weakness. Who in the hell likes feeling weak? I sure don’t! I want to conquer the world. (Maybe not the world)
I am blessed enough to have a good doctor who I had for years and understands me. So she gave me some medication to hopefully put the kick back into my step. It’s only been a few days and I can already feel like my old self which is why I can write this post. I also have a wonderful bishop who cares enough about me personally to take me aside and really ask whats going with me. Hate to admit this but I kind of broke down on him. It wasn’t hysterical or anything but just let it out there on the floor. Not going into details because that’s not what I’m about. My bishop is a wonderful man and really took whats going on with me into consideration. Help me not to try to take it all at once but one thing at a time. Step by step or line upon line.
So what is the whole point to all of this? To tell anyone out there that depression sucks! Its horrible and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. It damages and destroys everything in its path. But I also want anyone to know that you shouldn’t feel alone in this. Find someone, anyone you can trust and get them to have your back, go find a good doctor and talk to them about what is the best plan of action for you, and then go fix yourself. It’s going to take time. This isn’t something you can fix overnight. You have to want to get better because you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. So please know that depression does suck but there is a way of making it not so overwhelming.
Thanks for reading this and hope to write again soon!